Monday, April 30, 2007

Week 1 - Wishing for Quicker Healing and Progress

The doctors basically told us the same thing today. Brianna is stable, her organs are functioning well and her blood chemistry and blood gases (the amount of oxygen and CO2 in her blood) look good. This is all good news. My problem is that I want it all faster. I don't want her laying in a hospital ICU bed looking so critical and missing out on life around her. Of course I don't want her intubated either, and we know she must be sedated and paralyzed for the ventilator until her lungs heal. But the fact that she is not getting worse and has made baby steps of progress is encouraging they say. Baby steps, baby steps...how does one accept them when time has stopped and when life becomes day to day sometimes hour by hour, rather than week by week and month by month?

I am reminded though by John, my mother and my friend Colleen (who stayed with me today) that I need to be glad for all the positives. And I am. It's just our whole situation that makes me heartsick.

But today they decided to turn Brianna onto her back again and she has done well. The plan is to turn her every 24 hours, and it should not be as difficult on her lungs as the first time she was turned. It will also allow her lungs to continue to open in the hopes of gaining ground.

It is going to be a very slow process, and I am prepared to give up as many months or years as necessary to see her recover. It is hard on the whole family though. John stayed by Brianna's bedside all day yesterday so that I could go home, pet the dog, see Trevor, be in our house and do some "normal" things. I fiddled with the automatic sprinkler system with my dad and mom and tried to find a sprinkler head that is lost among the tall backyard grass. Trevor was all smiles and it was so nice to spend more time with him in just a few days.

It's strange to go home and have it not feel like home anymore. It's just a place to park my stuff for a few hours. In fact, about a week and a half ago, I had to write my address down on something and I had to stop and think of what it was. For a few minutes, I had forgotten my home address.

This has been a long journey so far, and it will continue to be one for many months to come. Brianna will be like Rip Van Winkle when she wakes, so much time will have passed. But we are content for now with the baby steps of progress she has made, no matter how small. She continues to get weekly leg massages from the therapists, and we play music for her, talk to her and touch her. And we are glad to think that she is dreaming and pain free while her lungs heal.

Each day is a gift.

8 comments:

Sam I Am said...

Oh dear Iva.. the whole situation has us all heartsick too :( Know that you're not thru this.. we're all here for you and brianna.. and our prayers are soooo strong right now :)
i can't wait to see you on thursday!!!!!! i miss you!
hugs..sandy

Kingfisher Farm said...

Iva if Sandy doesnt give you a hug from me give her a big old NOOGIE from Pam LOL! I am glad to hear things are stable, and pray that more improvement is imminent! Rip Van Winkle! That is true.......Brianna will have catching up to do......she is like sleeping beauty now! The fairy tale pages are turning slowly, but they are turning Iva! It must be so hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thankyou Iva for letting us know how you are doing! HUGS Pam

mindy said...

Iva,
we are all glad to hear that brianna is improving, even if it is tiney steps at a time. I don't know if you remember me, mindy from the very old foaf message board, but I sure remember you, your wonderful creations, and your kindness. Please know that out here on the east coast we too are praying for brianna and your whole family! We love you all, and can't wait for you the day you report all is well!
may God bless you and comfort you, and hold you all in the palm of his hand during this time!
in his loving care,
Mindy Hewitt
hewitt1995@msn.com

Stacy said...

We are praying right along with so many others for Brianna to continue to take those baby steps towards full recovery. You all have shown such courage and strength through this journey, I am completely in awe. God bless and keep you all strong and may His hand guide all those helping Brianna towards wellness.
hugs from Michigan,
stacy

Retro-Rudolphs said...

Hi Iva, although the steps are small, they are encouraging!
It must be so very hard for you to visit your home and not feel like it is home. Keep thinking positively and know that we will all keep praying that Brianna makes a complete recovery and returns home when she is healed!
Hugs, Lori

Stephanie Coop, said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicolette said...

Hiya Iva! :D I chanced upon your blog from a few other links and just wanted to say that i hope Brianna heals well!

I'm sixteen years old so i would partially know that how you would want her to lead a normal life like every other teenager, I really hope she gets better and i'll be praying for her (and im sure so many others will!)

I send my love to you and Brianna! God Bless you guys! and she's getting better, So yay! Haha, Much much love :]

Stephanie Coop, said...

I found your blog thru Crafty Carnival. I have been checking it everyday. I am praying for you and your family and Brianna! I have two daughters one 13 and one turning 17, may 14th.I get filled with emotion everytime I read your blogs.God Bless you and strengthen you !